The Path to Happiness

First, you need to identify your feelings. You need to figure out if you are comfortable or stressed, happy or unhappy. Try to get to basic feelings (happy, hurt, angry, afraid, anxious, guilty, ashamed, lonely). Feelings are messages to you. They are a result of what happens to you and what that means to you based on your beliefs about the world. The story you tell yourself about what happens creates your feelings. Not everyone will react to the same situation with the same feelings. Next, identify the underlying belief or beliefs leading to the feeling. Why am I feeling this (e.g. Why am I unhappy with my job)? I believe that ___________(e.g. A job should be fun and psychologically rewarding. I should feel challenged and energized by my work.) If this is hard, ask yourself "What would a person who feels like Y when X happens believe?" Analyze the belief. Ask if it is true. Is it true for everyone in the world? Can it be tested? Look for evidence to confirm or contradict your belief. Look for shoulds, woulds, coulds, have tos and judgments ("good" and "bad," "right" and "wrong"). Look for expectations. Try to identify where you have turned a belief into a fact. Your belief may really be a preference, what you want. Identify some alternative beliefs. Is there another belief that might lead you to feel differently? If you have trouble coming up with these, imagine beliefs other people might hold. Analyze the options by asking which belief is most likely to lead to happy feelings and reduced stress. Look at options: Is there something you can do about the situation (get out, share your feelings, set consequences)? Try out the new belief - Take it for a test drive. Say it to yourself. Write it on a post-it and put it someplace you will notice it. Live "as if" you believed it. See how it feels. Does it make you feel better? Remember, it doesn't have to pass a "trueness" test; it just has to make you feel better. Decide what serves your happiness best. Next time the feeling comes up in a similar situation, try to remember the new belief sooner than the last time.